they say it's self-created stress...

So, for any that didn't know, I was a smoker

i would like to stress was

i haven't lit up in over a month. and, tonight was the first time since the first week of quitting that i have wanted a cigarette

They say that it's self-induced stress- that the reason for the "release from the stress, the calming sensation" is that you're going through withdrawal. Except, i didn't have that issue...or at least it didn't seem like it.

Even when i smoked a great deal, i didn't smoke every day. Sometimes, i'd go over a week without smoking. the main reason for the most recent quit was, well, not health related at all. it's called "being poor." and i didn't get cravings. I wasn't edgy or twitchy. The last month, other than some major snafus while trying to move, has actually been pretty damn good.

I haven't felt stressed at all.

Now, as i sit in my room, taking in the sauna that it is (the vent is in basically a short hallway pointing at the walls. GOOD JOB ON THE DESIGN DUMMY!), i want a cigarette. Why? The semester starts tomorrow. Both classes i teach meet tomorrow, and in one i actually have to lecture (gotta love those 3 hour classes). maybe that's it?

but i don't feel stressed. one of the classes i have taught for 2 semesters already. the other is a Digital Audio class at UMKC, and i had already pre-planned a great deal of what to do over the last couple months.

maybe it was the person i'd like to talk to more that popped on chat for 15 minutes an didn't say hello...I always have been stupid about emotions, even when i know it's completely ridiculous. What can i say, i'm an emotional guy...

Maybe it's the fact i'm sitting here, classes are about to start, and i haven't written any music since, oh...April. maybe?

Whatever it is, i don't even own a pack at the moment, so it doesn't matter. I'll fight the craving...

But i don't think it's from an addiction.

well, at least not a nicotine addiction

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