Limbo

There's an odd sense in our house these days. It's a house with three doctoral and one masters student. All composition. One doctoral is doing his defense this semester. Another defends next spring. The other may as well. The masters student also really only has one year left.

I'm done with coursework after this semester. Comps are finished. Dissertation is not yet completed, but depending on the situation, could be done as early as the fall.

And that's the kicker, for all of us: "...depending on the situation."

I've had uncertainty many times before. After DePauw, I had no direction other than "Apply for grad schools" and found myself on the beach in Jersey. It worked out. But there weren't any opportunities when I graduated, i made them.

After Brooklyn, similar situation. Job in Jersey disappeared with the economy. I applied for whatever I could, but a Masters degree is a tricky thing in my field. It's not the terminal degree, so teaching positions are incredibly difficult to find, beyond the occasional adjunct work. But much of the rest of the world sees you as horribly overqualified. So, I started a dark period in Indiana, begging for work for  3 months before getting hired at a music store making practically nothing.

Then I got into a Doctoral program. It was, somewhat, in desperation. But it was one of the schools I was interested in...I just didn't do the usual process and check out the schools.

So, there was a lot of unknown after my Masters, but, again, it was an unknown with no possibilities over my head.

Now, I'm finishing my doctorate. I've gotten one awesome opportunity for the fall already, and I'm hoping to be there. But, there's still so much over my head...

There's this Fulbright business. I will hear anytime between now and June 1. Sooner is much better, whether positive or negative. I have a preference for a "come on out to Sweden," but knowing is much better than not knowing.

There are job opportunities. Should I apply? I'll be ABD. I could be ABD with a "just waiting for the semester to end to get the diploma, but he defended in August." I could be ABD till May 2014. And then there's the fact, I could apply for the job, and get the Fulbright AND the job? What then? I'm guessing I'd turn down the job, but how will that affect future applications. My advisor has assured me that no one begrudges a Fulbright winner for taking off. I'll hold onto that.

And what if neither happen? Will I continue to work on this full length opera, or bang out a second short and turn in a set of two for my dissertation? I could be done, again, by August, or take my sweet ole time then and work on the craft and editing. I could definitely go to the opportunity in the fall, which would be effing awesome. I could do more in Kansas City, set-up events, maybe stage a couple more productions. Could edit what I have now, make it even tighter. Do a string quartet version of Cake finally.

And what exactly is my dissertation? Is it a full-length? Is it an "evening of short operas" with two 15-20 minute operas?

I've been feeling stuck in this Limbo. When there are no ready options, the world is open to you. You can take any opportunity that pops up, float around, skip town and move across the country. You spend your days searching. It's a different Limbo, a different stress. There's still a sense of unknown, but it's total unknown. The mind has difficulty processing the idea of "all options and no options are available."

But when you're sitting, waiting, with some distinct possibilities in place, it's different. You're waiting for that domino to drop that sets off the chain reaction. You're small ripples in a pond from water dripping off a leaf...It could continue, it could become a downpour and all those little ripples become a wave, or someone could throw a stone into the pond. Or a boulder.

Or possibly the entire world.

And then your original little ripples are consumed.

Trying to be tranquil in this sea of troubles is not more forte.

some current projects

As i am failing at this real world thing (1 interview in 5 months of applications, at that was a fiasco), i'm turning back to the blog a bit. I never blogged a great deal, but i'll talk a bit about current projects and how i'm going about their creation.

First off is a piece for my buddy, trombonist David Whitwell. If you are interested in writing for trombone, especially if you're into the more avant garde, he's a good man to know. I wrote one piece for him already, "A Little Noise in the Trombone," for interactive pd patch and trombone. He seemed to like it, so requested a second piece. This one is to be, well, different.

David is a big fan of Charles Amirkhanian. I'm a fan too, as a matter of fact. So, he requested a piece Amirkhanian-esque, no trombone work (well, maybe a little), based on various sounds that he can make.

I struggled at first. I didn't want to go straight for a text piece a la "dutiful ducks" or any of Amirkhanian's other great text only pieces. At the same time, taking it as a piece using "a bunch of random sounds" just wasn't working for me. Considering the large amount of sampling work i do, Noah Creshevsky-esque one might say, you'd think translating it into the acoustic realm would be easy. not so much...

I was lacking a clarified vision. Without a clear vision, no artistic work can reach its potential. It will be prone to wandering. Carlos Carrillo taught me this, and its something i always struggle with. I hear sounds, i head lines, a snippet of, dare i say it, a melody, but hardly ever do i hear everything, start to finish. Don't have the memory i think, lol.

So i searched for a vision, and i came to realizations. first off, regardless of who is requesting the piece (in this case, a trombone player) it is a vocal piece. it's no schubert art song, but it is a vocal piece. So then i started thinking about how i start vocal pieces

text

Yep, even if am not going to directly set a text, for me, at least, starting with a text is a great place to start. First off, it gives me an idea of phonetics available. Limiting yourself is a wonderful thing. When the whole world is open, sometimes telling yourself that you only need these 10 things. It's like going to a supermarket...when you decide on a recipe, you don't buy the whole store, just the ingredients you need...well, and coke and a chocolate bar...

So, I'm waiting to hear back from David. he's an F. Scott Fitzgerald fan. I am not a huge fan, but it's his piece. heh. I know Fitzgerald does detailed and "lush" descriptions. This type of (post)impressionistic writing isn't my cup of tea, but it does lend itself well to descriptive style pieces. So, i pick something of Fitzgerald's, take my handy dandy list of sounds, check out my book on extended vocal technique, listen to Meredith Monk, and channel the Zen. or something like that. More on the process later. guessing the notation will be aleatoric in nature. open interpretation is wonderful

Now, piece 2: It's a piece for my good buddy Kendra (who has been referred to as "my good buddy" for 7 years now. i think it's a part of her name). She got married in July, and i was broke, so i couldn't go and i couldn't even buy her a present. What an ass am I?!? so, we struck a deal; how about i write a piece for her HS band and dedicate it to Kendra and Joseph. PERFECT!

I am going for a piece that will run around 7.5 minutes, 6 short vignettes based on Haiku by Matsuo Basho. I've had the text sitting around for, well, three years, and i've been looking for the moment to use it. Because of how i was envisioning the piece, it always lent itself to a HS level piece, grade 3 or so, than to the post-minimalism that is popular in NYC these days.

Basho's haiku's are perfect expressions of Buddhist sentiment. in other words, conceptually difficult, not something the "modern man" deals with well, but technically, well, simple. not saying simple in a bad way, in fact, simplicity is a thing of beauty. Reminds me of the works of Morton Feldman for some reason. I know they are demanding pieces, but, to me, exude a certain simplicity and beauty in a perfect performance.

So, i am taking 6 Haiku and writing 6 short movements, a minute or so each. I tailor all my HS pieces to the group somewhat, meaning, when i write it out "full" i do a lot of doubling of, say, bari sax and baritone/euphonium because the band doesn't have a bari sax. I think this will work out well for her group. gives her that multi-cultural standard that can be somewhat difficult to hit in an ensemble situation.

The last piece i'm working on albeit not very hard, is an electronic piece using mostly pd. it's based loosely on a sample of a friend saying the word "scream." I made a quick Shepard tone generator using that sample as a "canvas" and am now working on programming various scrubbers, grainers, and such to create sounds over top. Everything, of course, will use the same original sample. Starting with something small and simple and creating something large. Gotta love it. I have it planned to be a 1 minute piece and hope to enter it in 60x60, if i ever finish it. always a big if...

Now, i think i'm done sitting in this starbucks using the internet. I came to this Barnes and Nobles to buy a pricing guide for hockey cards (i am trying to sell off my 25+ complete sets i collected when i was much younger...), which failed, and buy an F. Scott Fitzgerald book. Guess i'll buy the giant compendium of short stories. All i know, is i don't want to use The Great Gatsby or A Curious Tale of Benjamin Button. I'm sure i will find something. i think there are 20 short stories in there. Ah, research.

Till next time quarter (HA!), peace my friends.