What's your classical music say about your dating profile?

A friend of mine posted a link to "What Your Taste in Music Says about You on a Date."  It's a funny little read. There is a followup that includes a couple jazz artists and classical composers.  This ties into the fact I've had several friends tell me to get into online dating, especially since I moved to another country without much in the way of social networking available. It makes me think "what will people think when they hit my profile and see my short write-up and my 'favourite music?' " I'm not sure the prospects look good. More classical and a couple revisions:

-Phillip Glass: You like to do it over, and over, and over, and over...

-Louis Andriessen: hard and raw, rinse and repeat.

-Harry Partch: You're not fooled--just because everyone is doing it, and it's accepted practice, doesn't make it right. You make your own specialized tools to have the exact kind of experience you want.

-Brahms: One on one dates are the best, but for some reason people talk about your parties. Also, you may have spent a lot of time in brothels, and fallen in love with your best friends significant other...

-Beethoven: Being possessive and needy on the first date doesn't make you a trendsetter. But all is forgiven by Op. 131, when you show your really freaky side.

-Stravinsky: Everyone talks about what a hardcore slut you were in your 20s, but ignores how classy you got later. You've dated a superstar or two in your time, but what matters is the here and now.

-Mozart: Date? You're hooking up at parties while getting wasted, then writing letters asking for forgiveness and more money. You do occasionally take your date to the opera because, well, you had free tickets.

-Bach: Looking to get married early and pop out 13 or so kids.

-Robert Schumann: Your best friend is in total lust with your significant other. And the fact that you'll die from syphilis probably says something about your sex life...

-Ruth Crawford Seeger: You're either a feminist going with a popular/easy choice, or a composer that wants to go back in time and kick Charles Seeger's ass for forcing you to do his work instead of letting you write more music like that awesome string quartet. Either way, you're not getting laid from this date.

-Lou Harrison: You're into people from other traditions. 

-Denis Smalley: you want the date to take a natural progression, with subtle connections between all the different conversations. 

-Alvin Lucier: you like the idea of dating more than dating itself.

-John Cage: What is dating?

-Augusta Read Thomas: You like dating-ness, the essence of dating, but what to deal with it entirely on your own terms.

-Hildegarde von Bingen: you're either in your 50s or 60s and bought into the revival of her music during the Hippie era, a strong female who doesn't need some stupid man telling you about dating, or a medieval scholar. In any case, dating is difficult for you because you just don't fit into the stereotypical "dating" image. And you don't really care. 

-All of the above: Male, you're single and have multiple music degrees. Dating is an issue, since you're probably working on a doctorate, and between TAing a couple classes, adjuncting at 2 other schools, and doing your dissertation.  

-Female, you're really sick of all those single males with multiple music degrees hitting on you at conferences. You're just as busy, if not more busy than they are. But, you try to be nice, because maybe one of those guys has actually read Judith Butler.

Add some more to the list! It's far from complete. 

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