a bit late at night...will continue this tomorrow, maybe

Ok...it's been an interesting night

I've really taken up some steam in "6 Pieces after Basho." it's a piece i'm writing for HS band with the following instrumentation

Flute

Clarinet

Alto Sax

Tenor Sx

Horn in F

2 Trumpets

Baritone

Trombone

Tuba

Percussion (around 3 players for now, though i'm writing a total of 5 parts...though, really, i think it can be covered with 3)

The idea is to take 6 haiku by Basho and put together 6 one minute pieces, each piece a complete idea. It's a fun exercise in limitation; limited the time, limit the content (i'm working really from 1 melody, 1 countermelody, and a short motive)

The first movement "Lighting Gleams/Into Darkness Travels/A Night Heron's Scream" i finished months ago. For the most part, i think i've succeeded with that movement. The second movement "The Old Pond/A Frog/Plop!" has been much slower going. I think after the success of the first movement, the second suffered from "not being good enough," comparatively.

A couple days ago, as i was sketching away, i realized that the movement wanted to be a passacaglia. So, i've gone with it. Yesterday was...not so good. i scribbled a lot. today was the breakthrough, the "AH HA!" moment when i figured out the orchestration of the bassline, how to move it around, and the "melody." I went to an old stand-by; take the main melody (in this case, a 4 bar passage from mvt 1), write it out in different transpositions (this time, putting it into the key of the song. Yes, it's "tonal" sue me. it changes the numbers a bit, doing that, but it's ok. it's tonality! it makes everything fit!), and then playing with it. I always start with the inversion, cause after that you have 4 ways of doing the melody quickly.

Then, i start playing around with it. So...it's about a frog. what if i leap from melody to inversion, skipping x amount of notes each time?

and, blammo, there's my melody, all jumping around, playful, kinda tonal, almost. lol.

Also, i have been having a great conversation with Speaks Coffee tonight about craft, what's important with writing, etc. it's always fun, comparing her experience as a writer with mine as a composer and seeing the differences between music and language.

Anyone who says music is a language obviously hasn't talked craft with a writer before. I see the differences immediately. like, when discussing divorcing ones style from analysis. I said it seemed like it was easier for a musician, possibly because we have such an insane amount of analysis. then, Speaks Coffee with a great question "but, do you think in music? I know you think in English, most of the time."

but its a great point. With music, our style is individually developed; on paper, in a computer program, in our heads...but, no matter how much we try, is it as engrained as English? I think ABOUT music a lot. I hear passages in my head, i sing to myself (talk to myself too), get rhythms going as i tap away. but i don't think IN music. when someone asks me a question i don't think "0 5 5 7 8 0 11 0 11 2 2 1 0" i think "well, that's a stupid question." Even when i think about music, its in english.

So...it's a good pedagogical thought. It's harder to divorce oneself from analyzing writing in a 1st person perspective- "this is how I would do it/this is how I would word this/your style is so [whatever] compared to mine." you're intimate with how you speak. You're intimate with you're vernacular. Just look at my writing. It's pretty damn near how i speak. Lots of rambling, short sentences, ideas tossed around all willy-nilly. lol.

and i usually an laughing when i toss in an lol.

It's something to ponder more...but when i've had some sleep. maybe some coffee. Right now, i better get a little sleep before tomorrow. I have composition workshop, and not nearly as much as i would have liked to show for the week.

But, the steamed pork dumplings were DELICIOUS!

and, there will be talk of esotericism vs. commercialism at some point...i'm for a happy medium, and let's leave it at that for now.

clarity

sometimes i feel like i'm losing my mind. I sit, stare at the page. I know what needs done, goals are set, deadlines approach. the falling of the grains through the hourglass are palpable. My mouth goes dry, i reach for some water...

In the end, it still sits there. So, it's a passacaglia. so this happens, the melody starts here, moves here. It's all planned, it's ready to be put on the paper. But it feels so wrong as pen hits paper.

There are times that i hear the music. Other times, i can't hear a damn thing through all the noise up there. It's like a thousand imps in my mind screaming a thousand thoughts in a thousand different languages. And it's my job to interpret what's being said and turn it into reality.

maybe i should take yoga. ha! could you imagine lumbering ole me sitting in a yoga class. i wouldn't be able to do the first pose! lol. i am planning a bit of a work-out regime, however, i am missing a couple things and would prefer not to have to purchase them again. perhaps i can have my mother send them.

Anyway, it's hard to think when i'm thinking so much. Clarity is what i need. all that extraneous information sieved out of my head, leaving only what needs done. Anyone have tips? I am thinking back to class with Dr. Carla Edwards, sophomore year, Winter Term. finding my demon, facing it, a million other ideas we tossed around.

One problem i've had was "how i am going to live? loans are nice, but i need a job...but not something that's gonna bring me down." that means no Guitar Center for sure. i'd go crazy. I think i found a nice freelance gig with a lot of room to grow. One less worry...

Still...something i found out during my masters is i can't do technical and acoustic composition at the same time. I do well with electronic stuff when i get technical, cause i see more and more tools. But its hard to go from technical manuals to a score for wind band.

I think working out will help. i think my diet improving will also help. now i just need some recreation. Join a bowling league? when baseball season hits, i'm probably going to try and go often. If i can score season tickets, i will. that'd be hot. 81 home games...

still..why am i here? to write music. get a doctorate. lead myself to a teaching gig.

i need to find a way to write music.

And then it turned into...

A passacaglia

It was quite inadvertent. but by bar 16, i had realized it.

It's a departure for me. I don't often use fancy "classical" forms. The basic stuff, binary, ternary, bar, through...that's what i usually stick with. It's not a hatred of the classical forms, or anything silly like that. It's just...

The forms mean certain things have to happen. Let's say i'm writing a sonata. Ok, i've got 5 parts with which to work. They happen in this order: intro, exposition, development, recap, coda. On the surface, that's fine. Write an intro, a couple interesting themes, work with them a bit, play them again, and then end it.

But there's all these little bits that come along with it...those are the things that kill me. Links to tonality...Like, theme 1 should be in tonic, theme 2 should be in the dominant. at the recap, both should appear in the tonic. if you happen to do theme 2 in a minor mode, say, the supertonic, then it needs to appear in major at the end.

it's like a fugue...sonata says more than just the order...it's all the other bits and pieces that make me a bit crazy.

so, i'm writing a passacaglia. it's relatively open ended really. All i need, technically, is that repeated bass ostinato. check. now it's about the orchestration, and the variations of the "melodic" line that is created. It'll serve well for this, as it is a piece for HS band.

certainly a teaching moment. "hey guys, let's talk about form for a second. anyone notice something peculiar about mvt. 2?" "yeah, there's a repeated figure."

Pedagogically, it's sound. As far as the character of the piece, it's sound. But as a tool i like working with its too...predictable? the interest has to come from the orchestration. Time to pass that little guy around...

practicing?

During workshop Wednesday, Dr. Simpson said "You have to be like be like a pianist...do you think they want to or are ready to play everyday? no, they go in, start warming up, and after an hour or so, they're ready to make some music." It was a pep talk to try and get us composing every day. I know i posted his comments earlier, so i won't rehash

Basically, i've been trying to do this. I'm not an "inspiration only" kinda composer. I don't get a special idea, then write for 3 days, locked up, and then not write for another 4 months. Generally, i work regularly, put down some notes, figure out what i'm going to do, make some rules, sketch some stuff, and, eventually, it will culminate in some decent works. lately, however, it hasn't been going so well

I hardly ever did "everyday." more like, 3 or 4 times a week. A lot of times it was a time/stress thing. I'd work, come home, make dinner, and feel a bit like dying, depending on the job. Those 16 hour days, back to back to back really kill ya. Other times, like this fall, i had time but no place. I found myself sitting in the local library for a few hours at a time, getting some stares from people, as i never approached the books, just used the internet and scribbled on staff paper and graph paper...with a lot of muttering, i'm sure. i tend to mutter. and to talk to myself loudly. lol

But, right now, i'm trying the everyday approach. Speaking with Speak Coffee today, i told her my frustration. We both practice slightly different arts, but both write, so, we do speak of the process and such. I told her that i'm trying that everyday thing and that i'm not making much headway. a lot of scratching, starting, cursing, and x-ing things out. Speak Coffee said:

"making yourself write everyday is a good thingit's conditioning. just because you aren't winning a game today doesn't mean that the conditioning isn't helping."

for all who don't know, i was a bit of a jock in HS. played hockey, football (till the concussions got to me...which was most of a season. lol), baseball (on and off), track, cross country, swimming. heck, even tried wrestling (almost tore my arm off, so i quit. i was a good hockey played, after all.) and soccer (made a travel hockey team...then it folded. tragic story). So, these types of analogies work well on me.

I HATED working out. seriously, still do. just like i dislike practicing. I much prefer being just naturally awesome at something and calling it good. unfortunately, i'm not naturally awesome at anything. at least not to the point where i shouldn't practice. I've always known this. That's why, often times, i grit my teeth and bear it. My senior year, i ran cross country. stupidest idea ever. It was pretty much an "what, so i can't play football, alright. what, i can't do any other fall sports? screw you, i'll run cross country! never complete the course? I'll show you!" and, sure enough, i did it...I started working out in June...by August...well...I could almost complete the course. lol. main reason i got really into it was conditioning though...I liked swimming quite a bit, but i was, well...the slowest varsity swimmer in the state. easily. And i thought "well, if i run cross country (like the other 2 swimmers) maybe i'll be in a lot better shape and actually do alright come swim season!" It worked miracles. Seriously...then i got in a car wreck, spent 4 months rehabbing...and the shoulder STILL hurts, to this day. lol. but that's just dumb luck...

So...it's about conditioning. I think Speak Coffee had a great point, along with Dr. Simpson. maybe if i get 5 or 6 more people to tell me, i'll really feel it. lol.

just like this blog is conditioning. can i write in it regularly? who knows.
The music though...it'll plod along. i think that's the problem, really. the last 2 projects have taken far too long. they should have been finished long ago. they're a bit stale. they need a breath of fresh air. maybe that will come with the redesigned kitchen area with newly constructed pantry? lol

Pedagogy of Composition

Sorry for not posting last night. got a little tied up, and died relatively early. Only made it to about 10:00 before i was bed bound with a book.

Last night was the first meeting of Pedagogy of Composition. When i saw the class, i HAD to sign up. I hadn't really seen a pedagogy of comp class before. Seen ped of theory, ped of history, ped of [insert instrument] but not composition. And, as a composer and a teacher, i was all about it.

turns out there are only a couple classes in the NATION. and i had seen a lot of "how to compose" books [Brindle-Smith, Cope, Schoenberg, Composition for Dummies, etc] it never seemed like there was a complete methodology. and there's the philosophical question of "how does one teach a creative subject?"

I have missed ed classes. I jumped right in, both feet first, and never stopped. i definitely pegged myself as someone with a strong music ed background. i did 7/8 of the coursework, i've been an adjunct, read the trade magazines, still keep up with MENC [should renew my membership...keep forgetting]...I felt more at home in this element than Advanced Analysis [at which i'll do alright] or even composition lessons. I've always viewed myself as educator 1st, composer 2nd. Mostly its a confidence thing; i know i'm a pretty good teacher. i've heard it from students, from evaluators, from random people walking by and seeing me getting my whole class dancing to Justin Timberlake [college students, mind you]. Composition, yeah, not so much...i'm still new to it. I hear amazing works, like one of the guys in my composition workshop, Greg Gagnon. Reminds me a lot of Whitney George, for some reason, as far as writing styles. Enough where i might do some comparative study for my Analysis class. yeah, he's a new MM student and the piece i heard of his was amazing. some great lines, really interesting setting of the text...

so i lack confidence, because, as a DMA student, i don't feel like i'm "a cut above" the MM students. i entered late, yes...quite late compared to most of the composers. I take solace in the "if the faculty didn't see something there, i wouldn't be here"

Anyway, i digress...this is about pedagogy, for the second.

The class will be awesome. Some of the work i'll breeze through, the mechanical part: how to write a syllabus, how to put together a methodology, what kind of research is appropriate, creating assessment sheets. The mechanical side of those, i know, by heart. I've done many a syllabi, strung together a couple methodologies, and done assessment sheets

but not for composition.

it's funny, we got really out there for a bit in the lat 25 minutes, really getting into philosophy of education. The class was actually the brain child of a DMA student that one of the professors was all over in the "i always wanted to do that..." kind of way. They layout of the class, though, speaks to how much time the student and head professor put into designing the class. it's only been done once. they completely revamped it. self-critical analysis, a major tool for any teacher, and for any composer. perhaps that's why i've done alright as a composer, having that self-analysis bit drilled into me at 18 by Dr. Caroline Jetton.

As i grow older, i learn who to send letters of thanks...and apology for being a jerk. lol

Still, this class will be awesome. we kept talking about one role of the teacher was to "find out the students goals, help them toward those goals, but also expand the horizons of each and every student." and, at the end of class, it was "what do you want to get out of this class?", my cliche answer "to expand my horizons!"

but in seriousness, i have a good grounding in education, in pedagogy. i know how to teach. But how to teach composition? i've thought about it a great deal, wrote a philosophy of teaching revolving around composition [that's the one assignment missing that i want them to do...maybe i'll try and be the TA for this class next time. and by maybe, i mean i really want to!], but, it's all about more ideas. I've only really had lessons with 4 people to this point, and only 2 really formally. My time with James Beckel and Carlos Carrillo, while sometimes a part of class, wasn't in the formal format of "university composition major." it was "i want to do this, do you have time to work with me and show me a little?"

It was great fun. I've learned a lot. They were all different teachers. Beckel worked my mechanics a lot, the technique of composition. needed that as i hadn't really done any of it, beyond theory. Carlos worked a lot of "don't you hear where you're going?" "you need to set limits, you wander!" "try it...with pen and paper. at a piano if you wish, but no computer." Cohen would sit, and wait...till i asked something...and then ask me something in return. a normal conversation would be

C: mmhmm, mmhmm.

J: what do you think?

C: well...what do you think?

J: I'm not really satisfied with it

C: why?

J: well, [this] and [this] and [this]

C: what would make it better?

J: well, maybe [this] and [this]

C: have you read this book [or heard this piece]?

and so on

Brunner was...amazing. I don't know, but he and I really clicked as student and teacher. he understood that when came in and said "i don't have shit...not a damn thing to show you. sorry" it wasn't "I didn't try to write any music, i just sat around" it was "I sat, i looked, i sketched, i threw it in the trash, lather, rinse, repeat, for a week."

we talked about cooking, literature, painting, metal (the music), hardcore, gigs i've one, gigs he's done, recording techniques, family, friends, relationships, long drives across the country, good wines, the best scotch

i learned a lot from Skip...

from Beckel, i learned the basic techniques i never learned in theory and orchestration, from Carlos, i learned what it meant to be a composer, from Cohen, i learned how to be more assertive against myself, to see my own path, and from Skip...i learned to write music. funny saying it that way, but he was that last step for me. how do i take what these three guys gave me, and everything you gave me, and do SOMETHING with it.

I think an undergrad would fail miserably with Skip. lol. I really do, it'd be hard. he expects you know how to write music before you come in. He doesnt want to waste time explaining to you WHY this sounds the way it does. He expected me to know that. And i did, for the most part. occasionally i didn't, but usually i did. his job was finishing touches, making sure i knew exactly why everything was there. and if i was satisfied, he was satisfied, and it was time for talk of gigs from the weekend, and what new recipes we tried.

well, i've spent my morning here instead of showering and getting ready for class. lol. maybe i'll run through the drops really quickly. I was 20 minutes early yesterday leaving at 10 after. guess it takes around 25 minutes to walk there, depending on my pace...

Pedagogy is good. Perhaps this will end up being my "Composition Pedagogy Journal" as well as my composition journal. Or perhaps i should separate them? riiight, i couldn't handle two journals.

anyway, for me, they two are together: how i write music and how i would teach someone else to do it. Means the same thing to me

New Beginnings

Had my first doctoral lesson session. UMKC does group lesson style. I support this style 100%. it gives more people listening and seeing a piece, more feedback, and fresh ideas. MFA programs in creative writing seem to all follow a workshop idea, and i'm happy to see a college doing that with composition. the processes used in both are so similar, and yet in music composition, we're expected to have new exciting things every week, for an hour, with the same prof. After a year, or maybe even a semester, especially when working on something large (like, say, an opera), the interactions can become stale.

Not to say i didn't love my lessons at Brooklyn. Doug Cohen and George Brunner are fantastic teachers and i did feel like i took something away every lesson, even if i didn't have much to show them.

Anyway, first lesson was today. My current teacher, Reynold Simpson, was telling us about how when he studied with Carter, he had to bring new material every week, period. If he didn't Carter sent him home. Carter also told Simpson that "as a composer, making 40 hours a week to compose is normal. It is your profession now." Simpson parred it down to about 20 hours a week, especially as a full-time student. Right now, i have that time. When i get a job- which, incidentally i will have to eventually- that may change. unfortunately, composition does not pay my bills. Still...

Simpson also said "you can't wait till inspiration hits. If you sit around, waiting for inspiration, it may never come. or it will come when you're shopping and you may not have a pen and paper handy to jot down that idea." He likened composition to practicing piano (shudder). A solid pianist will practice everyday, 2-4 hours. sounds about right- why i never made it as a pianist. They don't go in ready to play. a lot of days, they don't want to practice. But, they sit down, start running scales, start doing etudes, run passages that haunt them in their sleep over and over again...and, maybe, after an hour or so, they really start to make music. Once they start playing, even the monotonous boring scales and arpeggios, eventually, the music will come...

I'm not an "when inspiration hits" kind of composer. I try to make time on a regular basis and write. unfortunately, i do go in spurts. I'll sit and try, do some sketches, it'll suck, throw it away discouraged, and come back again tomorrow. That may go on for a month or two...maybe longer...all depends on the situation. I had a good period there in September and October, really got some good work done, even if there is only about a minute of music to show for it...Then, November hit, i started working full time at Sam Ash, got kicked out of the house, slept on couches for a few days, moved into a friends apartment for a month...and really lost myself. Shit happens, and, unfortunately, as an emotional creature, it effects me greatly.

I haven't really touched anything since November. I wanted to, i got out the pads at night, tried to write a line or so, get going...and i would toss it aside, go to Hulu and watch some TV...

Now, I'm in Kansas City. I've started my Doctorate. my DMA...in Composition. I have a real chance to get my doctorate by age 30- shooting for the spring before my 31st birthday, including getting my thesis done. That's a lot of work...the coursework runs about 4 years or so, so i'm going to be doing my thesis while still doing coursework.

I've resolved to do this. I had said before "Doctorate by 30." I mean it...

I have decided...I will write every day here. I have to do it. I really have to...This is my last chance, as it were, to do this. I've thrown a lot out to get here, made sacrifices, moved all over the country, took a lot of chances. I know no one here, other than they few guys i've met in the program. I don't know the city...It's a great chance to hole up in my room and write...compose...like a real composer...

I will write everyday. I will also try to write on here everyday, as proof. I will try and put into words what I am doing. If it's not composing, what analysis I've done, what texts i've perused trying to find a sexy, sensual french poem to completely destroy semantically but keep the content...

I resolve to do this. Will i be able to keep it up? i don't know...so far the home-cooking idea has gone well. perhaps things shall work

huh?

I have no idea when i last posted. Not sure if i have any followers, casual viewers, or carrion birds waiting for my death hovering above this website...

Anyway, I have relocated, AGAIN

This time, i have run away to Kansas City, MO

I am at UMKC

I am a doctoral student. DMA: Composition

Classes: Lessons, Pedagogy of Compositon, Advanced Analysis III: Contemporary

AA III shouldn't be bad, but more work than i wish. the professor already told me "it's open to everyone, so we may go a bit slow for you." I'm no theory genius. perhaps i talked myself up TOO much trying to get into the class. but still, an unprovoked "we may go a bit slow for you" worries my slightly.

Anyway, I make no pretenses at being a theory god. I do alright for myself. and it's been a long time since i did "formal" analysis in a classroom setting. like...5 years...

Sadly, i didn't pass all my matriculation exam. If i had taken a day or two and read Grout, i probably would have. However, I have to take "Early Music Review" at some point in the next couple semesters. couldn't right now as its full. S'ok...maybe i'll do it over the summer. one month, every morning? sure...why the hell not? i taught a class like that. We had fun

I was also "recommended" to take History of the Classical period. not the review, the graduate class. I probably won't. getting the required history classes in may be difficult...though there was a great one called "Music of China" being taught this semester.

however, before i can take a grad history class, i have to take "Intro to Bib and Research"

Or pass out of it. I took the test. Got all the acronyms mixed up. LAME. I don't do well with acronyms actually. However, I submitted two well written and well researched papers from a graduate course in musicology. Hopefully that's enough weight to prove i know how to do research

anyway, i ramble. i'm just out of the house for a while this afternoon, which makes me a bit happy. it's been bitter cold and snowing since i arrived in KC. This should be an interesting 5 years...yep...5 years...