What's going to put me over the top!!!

I found!

I used to say "give me a nice pencil sharpener, and I'll write an unforgettable piece!"

but found the pencil sharpener wasn't enough. So there had to be something else, some other piece of gear holding me back.

So I said "If I only had Logic PRO! No more Express, I need the full version!"

And I got a piece published. But I found myself wanting more. Still didn't have the big win, needed another big festival, huge conference

So I wrote a paper and presented it at EMS12 in Sweden. And I was still left wanting.

Then i figured it out. Even with all these online submissions popping up, I needed a way to market myself better. The website redesign is alright, workable, livable. The scores look as good as ever (now with prices!). but the recordings? They sound pretty good, but the look! The look was way off!

After searching for a couple weeks, I found my answer. Yep, that's right.

All I need now to put me over the edge is a Lightscribe enabled external CD/DVD player. Now I'm finally ready for the big time! Bring on the Pulitzer committee!

Ok, yeah, might be a little soon for that, but, c'mon, it is pretty damn schnazzy. I gave it a hard problem, a really nice picture with all sorts of different contrasts, and some text over top. And it handled it admirably. Some of the best money I've spent in a while.

And there was the even more practical matter that my macbook pro's optical drive has gone out. Might as well upgrade if I'm replacing anyway.

they say it's self-created stress...

So, for any that didn't know, I was a smoker

i would like to stress was

i haven't lit up in over a month. and, tonight was the first time since the first week of quitting that i have wanted a cigarette

They say that it's self-induced stress- that the reason for the "release from the stress, the calming sensation" is that you're going through withdrawal. Except, i didn't have that issue...or at least it didn't seem like it.

Even when i smoked a great deal, i didn't smoke every day. Sometimes, i'd go over a week without smoking. the main reason for the most recent quit was, well, not health related at all. it's called "being poor." and i didn't get cravings. I wasn't edgy or twitchy. The last month, other than some major snafus while trying to move, has actually been pretty damn good.

I haven't felt stressed at all.

Now, as i sit in my room, taking in the sauna that it is (the vent is in basically a short hallway pointing at the walls. GOOD JOB ON THE DESIGN DUMMY!), i want a cigarette. Why? The semester starts tomorrow. Both classes i teach meet tomorrow, and in one i actually have to lecture (gotta love those 3 hour classes). maybe that's it?

but i don't feel stressed. one of the classes i have taught for 2 semesters already. the other is a Digital Audio class at UMKC, and i had already pre-planned a great deal of what to do over the last couple months.

maybe it was the person i'd like to talk to more that popped on chat for 15 minutes an didn't say hello...I always have been stupid about emotions, even when i know it's completely ridiculous. What can i say, i'm an emotional guy...

Maybe it's the fact i'm sitting here, classes are about to start, and i haven't written any music since, oh...April. maybe?

Whatever it is, i don't even own a pack at the moment, so it doesn't matter. I'll fight the craving...

But i don't think it's from an addiction.

well, at least not a nicotine addiction