Swedish Adventures 3: Stockholm Syndrome (and how I'm learning outside academia)

In Swedish Adventure 2, I went to a Kunglinga Filharmonikerna concert, and was blown away. That blog post, and subsequent discussion on Fb with lots of friends is really generating a huge amount of ideas. I think they're really productive ideas, and I'll be blogging about them as time goes on.

In Swedish Adventure 1, I went to a Kaija Saariaho concert, and got to experience live music I had only ever heard on recording. And I learned a lot about myself and Saariaho's music in that one concert.

This post is actual a series of (mis)adventures I've had recently while navigating this pseudo-post-academic life while still doing academic research and trying to still have a professional life.

(Mis)Adventure 1: Printing.

Stockholm is, for the most part, more expensive than most areas in the US, with prices on goods honestly passing what I used to paying in NYC. Some items, like cigarettes, are comparable or even a bit cheaper than NYC, but otherwise, things like food, clothing, etc are more expensive. And, no, I haven't picked up smoking again. On average, I think I pay around 25-50% more for items. It's workable.

But yesterday was a first. In my trying to stay professional and somewhat autonomous, I went to a print shop to print scores. This is a normal activity for me, and one that is, honestly, very costly...especially outside the confines of having a laser printer handy. So, off to the print shop.

The order, for me, was fairly small. Two scores, one 18 front & back pages, one 8 front & back pages. A whopping 26 pages. I needed 3 copies of each, all spiral bound. OK, so, 78 pages front & back, 6 binds. In the US, I'd be looking at dropping something in the $40 range at a Fedex Office, with a large amount of that going to the binding. To lessen the price, I often source my own paper, which drops the printing price in half.

The print shop in Stockholm? 800 SEK. That's about $120. And, at Fedex, this would be done in 15 minutes, here "maybe tomorrow, but probably Monday."

Now, part of this is that I went to a more "local" shop. I've done that in KC and paid a bit more as well, mainly to support the local stores. But not 3 times as much. Needless to say, I called this one in to the US.

(Mis)Adventure 2: Phone calls

I have a Swedish phone number. I don't remember this number, ever, so I carry the simcard card around with the number on it.

I don't use this phone every day. But I use it regularly. It has 2 purposes: to talk to my adviser.

And to call contacts in Stockholm about interviews.

This has been easily the most frustrating experience of my life. The initial people I spoke to were incredibly helpful, and in short order, I had names of all sorts of people. My name was being floated around metal circles, and people were passing along phone numbers.

The crazy part is the phone numbers aren't to local bands, they're to much more famous musicians. That's awesome.

And frustrating.

You see, these famous guys are incredibly busy. I called one guy a couple days after I got his number, and we set up a rough idea of when we'd do an interview.

That was three weeks ago, and still nothing. Haven't even been able to get him on the phone since. And I try to be respectful (I've only called once this week), because I know he's busy (might be in the studio right now), but it's frustrating to be so close!

This has happened a few times now. My best bet is an email with "I'll be in town at X time, stay in touch, and let's get together then."

So while all the help I'm getting is awesome, and everyone I've spoken to is really nice and supportive, the final step is difficult. I know major musicians can get really busy, and it's not like I'm from Rolling Stone calling for an interview.

And I'm positive, eventually, I'll get together with everyone. Just have to be patient. And accept that I do have a long time to get these interviews, after all. I should take a point from all those musicians books and just work harder on my own stuff, and relax.

(Mis)Adventure 3: Working.

A few weeks ago, I blogged about how I've tried to make a concrete schedule for myself in hopes of getting more work done. I haven't always done a great job with it...mainly because I've been waking up later each day and staying up accordingly. And it's getting dark super early, which just drains my energy quickly. But, I try to at least get myself in a rhythm and work for a solid 8 hours a day.

And I try to breakup where I work. I just got a library card for the Musik/Teater Biblioteket and plan on making use of their facilities AND their massive stacks. The downside to the Musik Biblioteket is the same as UMKC: they have almost all the books in storage, and have to retrieve them. Now, there's a big difference between the sizes of libraries: UMKC has a huge, 5 story building, that's in the process of being expanded with more classrooms, and was expanded for the RooBot. They say they don't have enough room for the books in any other fashion but...

To put it in perspective, the Musik Biblioteket takes up half a floor of a somewhat narrow building. What's out are reference books, and, wow, do they have an impressive reference section. They REALLY don't have room for their books...and several thousand orchestral scores. Oh man, I can't wait to start browsing their catalogue.

Of course, this comes with the normal difficulties. Everything is an online search. I have to know exactly what I want before even looking. No "happy accidents" of seeing all the scores around the one I want, or all the similar books right in front of me. No flipping through the first few pages to see if I really want the book. There's work involved to grab the book from downstairs--manpower is wasted if I don't actually want a book.

It's a form of research that I honestly don't like. I enjoy perusing stacks and finding what I need, thumbing through books and putting them back rather than asking for 20 books, having someone go get said 20 books, and sitting at a table for 45 minutes just to return 15 of them. I actually feel bad making someone have to do that. Seems wasteful.

And the language. Their search is, of course, in Swedish. And I found out that the Swedish have their own filing system! I probably shouldn't have been surprised. In a way, I'm somewhat happy now that the books are in a separate housing area. If they had been in stacks, I would have probably freaked out not knowing where anything is. LOL. So much for memorizing portions of the LC system!

Then there's taking work with you. How many of you work in multiple locations? How many have you forgotten key items and you don't realize until you arrive?

In some cases, this is a disaster. Showing up to an IATSE lighting call without a wrench means you could be fired for the day. Showing up to a meeting without key documents could spell major trouble as well.

Luckily, this isn't life or death for me. If I leave something at home, I'm not going to get fired. I still can't work, but it's "easy" enough to go home and either work from there, or travel back and forth. I don't normally travel back and forth: when it's an hour each way, you get really tired of that quickly.

I did this yesterday. I planned to hit the Musik Biblioteket, get a card, then either work there or head to KMH. I decided to head to KMH to try programming some stuff in Max 6 that I had done in Pd, then work on writing music. When I got to KMH, I worked a couple hours fumbling through programming (with lots of screaming, cursing, and general anger) before throwing my hands up at my astounding lack of vocabulary (considering I've been using these programs for 6 years), and turned to write music. I pulled out my paper, pencils, eraser, and...

Shit...no ruler. No ruler when you're doing a proportional piece with very specific measurings down in millimeters.

With a sign of frustration, I through everything in my backpack and went home.

And bought a pizza.

Because after calling people in the afternoon and getting no answer, being told scores were going to cost me $120, a library catalogue in a language I am still struggling to learn, programming making me want to pull my hair out, and then forgetting something as mundane and important (oxymoron?) as a ruler, I couldn't handle even the idea of cooking.

So I bought an expensive specialty pizza with oxfile (beef filet), bacon, kebabkött (gyro meat), kronärtskocka (artichoke hearts), and lök (onions). It was delicious. And I drank a Guiness, because Swedish beer kind of sucks (it's all PBR tasting lager).

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Thus ends my day of (mis)adventures. The struggles of working outside a university are showing. I don't think I could afford to be an independent composer here. Of course, the best part is I have an independent state run library for resources, so score study wouldn't be an issue. Same with studio time thanks to EMS.

Ok, maybe I could be an independent composer here, as long as I was able to find a cheap printing option, learned the language, and practiced more patience.

SERENITY NOW!

Make your own schedule

I arrived in Sweden just shy of 4 weeks ago. The first week was, more or less, a wash. I was a little ill when I arrived, probably some bad food while traveling. Then it took me a while to get used to the time change.

But things are finally rolling. I've got all the access stuff now, spent some time in the studio at KMH, and a little time at EMS. Have to make a call today to setup a time for my first interview. And I've been doing all sorts of writing, composing, and listening.

One of the hardest things in this situation is to come up with your own schedule. I've been released into the wild, provided a stipend, and told "do your project however you'd like." There's no school, no specific job, not even the standard freelancer setup, which creates its own (sort of) routine of applying for jobs and living off Ramen, with spurts of extreme activity.

No, I'm just sitting here, now, with no set agenda for the day, just need to call someone back. And the only reason I have to do that is because we arranged this last week, when I called at an arbitrary time.

So, what HAVE I been doing then? How do I get anything done? For those that know me, you probably know I like some semblance of structure and regularity, with enough variances to make life "interesting." When left to my own devices (like over the summer with nothing pressing, just "waiting till I left") I'll play read, play video games, watch videos, TV, or the occasional movie, and use as little energy as possible. When faced with a few months, that can be alright...especially after incredibly hectic schedules before Freelancers and teachers, you know what I'm talking about. Work 9 months at a grueling pace, you need that month or two off to just recharge.

When faced with a year, and a nebulous project and far off deadlines, I had to change my "normal living." It was time to make a schedule.

People have asked me what I do day to day. So, here it is, in all its "glory."

Morning- Read, write, and listen. I often start with blogs and news; mostly music and arts related, with the occasional political bit. I'll write a blog post, or work on the libretto to my opera, or write music...sometimes I flit between them, working for an hour or two on one activity then switching. Other times, one activity encompasses my entire morning/early afternoon. I also do my food shopping in the morning, to avoid crowds.

Afternoon- Lunch, catch up on life stuff, make phone calls/contacts, and switch activities. This is when I usually do laundry, clean up my room, or if I have an errand in the city, head out.  Most of my contacts for my project expressed more availability in the mid-afternoons, so that's when I focus on that stuff. On days when I don't need to do any of that, I switch activities. If I spent the morning reading arts news and blogs, I'll switch to writing music. Or if I wrote on my libretto all morning in silence, I'll pull up my ever increasing list of pieces to study, and listen away, jotting notes. Whatever it is, I try to keep a solid focus on working till at least 5 or 6 every day. Blog posts also usually go live in the afternoon--I usually write them in the morning, save them, and come back and read them before posting.

Evening- No working. Seriously. I'll allow things into early evening--I worked until about 7pm yesterday--but I try to just cut it off. I usually practice my Swedish in the evening using Rosetta Stone. I'll pull out a more leisurely reading material, or something light that "could" be research, but probably not. Right now I'm devouring various folk and fairy tales from around the world, as well as reading Formalize Music by Xennakis and The Soundscape by R. Murray Shafer. The last two aren't really about my "research" and I enjoy them too much to be considered "work." I'll also watch videos/TV, or play video games. If I've been active all day, I'm usually dead by 11pm.

Also, sometimes, I do get sudden spurts to work in the evenings. If they come, I don't fight them, unless it's right after dinner. My mind really does need regular breaks. Most of the work I do when I "power through" something is utter rubbish and I just have to redo it in the morning.

That being said, I have had all sorts of little projects to go with my big project. It's hard to see a goal that's either checked once a year (dissertation) or twice a year (Fulbright). But I've got a commission I need to finish ASAP, just finished mastering a forthcoming jazz album, and, of course, job searching and apps. Yes, jobs are already being posted for next fall.

So, my schedule isn't that formally structured. It's not "MWF from 7-9 read arts news and blogs. 9-10 blog. 11-1 compose. 1 lunch..." and so on. I leave it somewhat loose. But I do force myself to work, listen, and study in the mornings, switch it up in the afternoons, then relax in the evening.

And, if something gets off, like this morning and working, then things get shoved around. I'll work this afternoon for longer. But today was an odd exception--woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. The level of groggy at 5am after 5 hours of sleep was...insurmountable. I actually laid in bed TRYING to sleep until almost 8. Seriously. I'd lay for 20 minutes, grab my phone and read a blog, try to go back to sleep for 30 minutes, read a political article...ugh.

Also, a few people I've been talking to asked what I've been "studying" during my study time. So, below, in all it's glory, is a list of all the pieces/albums I've been studying, as well as some articles and books. The reading list, btw, doesn't include all the blogs, news, etc that I read. Just the more "academic." And there's a bunch missing, because I'm waiting to reveal my first interview to the entire public...though I'm guessing a fair number of you have heard already.

So, what have I learned? I definitely need this structure, as do many people. But the situation just doesn't warrant complete formal structure. I can't "force" myself to write when I really don't want to...I just get distracted, write half a page, watch a youtube video, read what I wrote and realize it sucks, blah blah blah. But, if I get myself working on something, reading and listening being easier than composing or writing, I can usually get my mind into doing the more creative aspects. When in this situation, it really does behoove you to get into some sort of routine, even if it's flexible and modular (MODULARITY FTW!)

Alan Hovhaness	Symphony 60	Naxos	Orchestral
Aaron Jay Kernis	Symphony of Waves	Naxos	Orchestral
Poul Ruders	Gong	Naxos	Orchestral
Poul Ruders	Zenith	Naxos	Orchestral
Allen Shaw	Piano Sonata 1	DRAM	Piano
Anders Nilsson	Horst	Naxos	Chamber
Anders Nilsson	Ariel	Naxos	String, Oboe, Elec
William Bolcom	Symphony 4	DRAM	Orhcestral
Donald Erb	Rainbow Snake	DRAM	Trombone, Perc
Allan Schindler	Eternal Winter	DRAM	Trombone, Elec
Michael Davis	Mission Red (BAD BAD BAD!!!!)	DRAM	Trombone, Elec
Vinko Globokar	Engel der Gerschichte (The Angel of History): I. Zerfall	Naxos	Orchestral
Donad Erb	and then toward the end	DRAM	Trombone, Elec
Nick Omiccioli	Push/pull	Soundcloud	Chamber
Per Norgard	Symphony 7	Naxos	Orchestral
Per Norgard	Symphony 3	Naxos	Orchestral
Luigi Nono	Lontananza nostalgica utopica future	Naxos	Violin, Elec
Shulamit Ran	Hyperbole	DRAM	Piano
Alvin Lucier	Panorama	DRAM	Trombone, Piano
Alvin Lucier	Wind Shadows	DRAM	Trombone, Oscillator
Donald H. White	Sonata for Trombone and Piano	DRAM	Trombone, Piano
Walter Ross	Concerto for Trombone	DRAM	Trombone, Orchestra
Robert Erickson	Auroras	DRAM	Orchestral
Ellen Taafe Zwilich	Symphony No. 1	DRAM	Orchestral
Anders Nordentoft	On This Planet	Naxos Video	Opera
Joan Tower	Tres Lent	DRAM	Cello, Piano
Ellen Taafe Zwilich	Symphony No. 2	Naxos	Orchestral
Joan Tower	DNA	Naxos	Percussion
Gunther Schuller	Fantasia (or Fantasy)	DRAM	Cello
Opeth	Heritage (full album)	Owned	Metal
Sergei Prokofiev	Symphony 3	Naxos	Orchestral
John Adams	On the Transmigration of Soulds	Naxos	Choral
James Tenney	Spectrum 1	Naxos	Chamber
Lejaren Hiller	String Quartet No. 6	DRAM	String Quartet
Lejaren Hiller	Computer Cantata	DRAM	Chamber, Voice, Electronics
Lejaren Hiller	Portfolio for Diverse Performers	DRAM	Chamber, Voice, Electronics
Iannis Xenakis	Tracees	Naxos	Orchestral
Iannis Xenakis	Noomena	Naxos	Orchestral
Krux	Krux II	Youtube	Doom Metal
Children of Bodom	Something Wild (full album)	Youtube	Doom Metal
George Walker	Foil for Orchestra	DRAM	Orchestral
George Walker	Variations for Orchestra	DRAM	Orchestral
Jim Mobberley	Arena	DRAM	Orchestral
In Flames	Various	Youtube	Metal
Candalmass	Various	Youtube	Metal
Entombed	Left Hand Path	Owned	Metal

Tony Kushner	Angels in America Pt. 2: Perestroika	Owned	Play
David Ryan and Helmutt Lachenmann	Composer in Interview: Helmutt Lachenmann	JStor	Article, Interview
R. Murray Schafer	The Soundscape: Our Sonic Environment and the Tuning of the World	Owned	Book
Iannis Xenakis	Formalized Music	EMS	Book
Fred Lerdahl	Interview on composerconversations.com	Composerconversations.com	Podcast