the pain in my leg

So, i've continued to run the general course of the piece, and it continues to not want to run along. Gargh. this thing needs done a week ago, at least, and here i am, not able to put a decent line together. it's all figured out...just needs to happen. normally i'd let it gestate for awhile, but i do not have the time for such things at the moment

The weather has turned sunnier. such things make me happy. it's been proven that sunlight helps increase serotonin levels, which generally means more happy feels. i could use them

and it allows me to wander, to walk, a little more freedom in a city i still feel like i know nothing about. I've probably traveled more of it than i ever did of NYC, but i felt NYC's soul from the moment i stepped foot off the train, heading to Brooklyn College in spring, 2007, for matriculation exams. I knew it then, what the city was. Kansas City...it's hiding itself a bit. perhaps i am too distracted

And my leg hurts. this happens when i walk more. My shoulder aches from the change in weather. my leg hurts because, for quite some time, i've had the ligaments on one side of my leg pulling a little tighter than the other side. when i look down, i have one straight foot and one foot cocked a little bit outwards. I've started stretching it again, but i don't see it helping much at the moment. I presume i probably actually really hurt it at some point and ignored it. That's how i usually was in sports. Half the time i didn't notice. Damn pain threshold...

Just ask Cory. :)

anyway, i'm going to bed or something. if it won't flow, it won't flow. I blame spending a fair amount of the weekend thinking technically. that usually does in my creative side.

as a coworker of mine once said "you can only be an expert at one thing. You may be very good at many things, but it is impossible to be an expert at more than one thing." As i get older, i get it...and i realize that when i actually have to switch my concentration fully to make it work. So, if i don't actively think about electronics, hard-core, i won't be able to do any good with them. and if i don't think about composition fully, i can't get more than the basic grunt work down. It's really sad


Anyway, to bed.

tired

So...i was going to go to bed early tonight. guess that failed.

Gonna go to the KcEMA concert tomorrow night. pretty excited. maybe i will head up toward downtown to check out first friday festivities as well.

Oh, yeah, this is a music blog...Um...I like music?

Pedagogy of Composition continues to rock my face off. soon, i shall have a "mentee" a younger college student in need of guidance...or something. lol. that will be good.

I'm too tired to discuss all the wonders of Ped of Comp tonight. we played a game called "Methodologies Survivor's Island." It was fun. i didn't win, which made me sad, because i thought i had the best 2. lol.

i have things on my mind...that aren't about music at the moment. This job i'm creating for myself in town...i dunno...it could be cool, or it could kill me. And possibly working out some sort of teaching gig? maybe...i dunno...

I really like it here so far. KC kinda rocks...but...i dunno...an uneasiness has fallen over me tonight. i think i just want too much out of life...or maybe i'm terrified of money. quite likely. yep....

it's time to sleep. shit, it's 1am here...i have class in the morning. bad idea...

g'night

so

Wrote a bit the last 2 days. I'm afraid mvt 3 is sounding too much like mvt 1 and 2. gotta find ways to spice it up a bit more.

The coldest part of the winter seems to be over here in KC. good thing, when i moved here, it was running down to 0 and below with wind chills hitting in the -20s. not cool at all.

I'm writing more than i have in quite a while. tonight, i don't have very good words for it. I have realized, as i think i mentioned before, my style is reminiscent of Schoenberg's atonal settings, pre-serialism. Like Pierrot Lunaire. There's a lot of motivic development.

Motive...it's an interesting word. yesterday in class, my professor asked "there's a word i've been avoiding in our talks about Schoenberg...i'm sure you all have figured out which." My mind popped to "motive" just as someone said it in the front of the class. "Yes, that's right. It's such a loaded word, isn't it? we think of Beethoven, and the 5th symphony. We think of Brahms. We think of tonality. Is there another good word for this?"

my brain popped to "set" but, at the same time, i think that's loaded almost too far in the opposite sense. Schoenberg, till the end, no matter what i try to say to myself differently, still held to a lot of romantic writing. It wasn't the cold serialism of, say, Pierre Boulez or Babbitt. There's was a romantic feel to it.

It's funny. I never hesitate to say that i use "motivic invention" and i write mainly using "short motives" and then messing with them as much as possible. and my harmonic language is, often times, quite atonal. and yet, i was hesitant to say Schoenberg wrote "motivically." It's interesting, these stigmas attached to terms.

I received Korngold's "Die Tote Stadt" in the mail today from Netflix. I look forward to watching it. I was going to tonight, but the night slipped away from me, i guess. I will watch it tomorrow, then.

huh?

I have no idea when i last posted. Not sure if i have any followers, casual viewers, or carrion birds waiting for my death hovering above this website...

Anyway, I have relocated, AGAIN

This time, i have run away to Kansas City, MO

I am at UMKC

I am a doctoral student. DMA: Composition

Classes: Lessons, Pedagogy of Compositon, Advanced Analysis III: Contemporary

AA III shouldn't be bad, but more work than i wish. the professor already told me "it's open to everyone, so we may go a bit slow for you." I'm no theory genius. perhaps i talked myself up TOO much trying to get into the class. but still, an unprovoked "we may go a bit slow for you" worries my slightly.

Anyway, I make no pretenses at being a theory god. I do alright for myself. and it's been a long time since i did "formal" analysis in a classroom setting. like...5 years...

Sadly, i didn't pass all my matriculation exam. If i had taken a day or two and read Grout, i probably would have. However, I have to take "Early Music Review" at some point in the next couple semesters. couldn't right now as its full. S'ok...maybe i'll do it over the summer. one month, every morning? sure...why the hell not? i taught a class like that. We had fun

I was also "recommended" to take History of the Classical period. not the review, the graduate class. I probably won't. getting the required history classes in may be difficult...though there was a great one called "Music of China" being taught this semester.

however, before i can take a grad history class, i have to take "Intro to Bib and Research"

Or pass out of it. I took the test. Got all the acronyms mixed up. LAME. I don't do well with acronyms actually. However, I submitted two well written and well researched papers from a graduate course in musicology. Hopefully that's enough weight to prove i know how to do research

anyway, i ramble. i'm just out of the house for a while this afternoon, which makes me a bit happy. it's been bitter cold and snowing since i arrived in KC. This should be an interesting 5 years...yep...5 years...