the scariest thing that has ever happened to me

Thursday, 11:35am: after a morning filled with work and drafting out my ideas for my latest piece, i decide it's time for shower and food. I shut down all the programs on my macbook pro, close the lid, and let the tough little guy sleep. he works ever so hard!

Thursday, 12:46pm: having showered and eaten a light lunch -- a turkey sandwich-- i move back to my computer to quickly type up my proposal for my pedagogy of composition class. I pop open the lid, and there is nothing...just black greets me, with the light on...

I assume the poor guy froze. it happens occasionally. not too often, but once every month or so, it'll just nod off too far. So, i do a hard restart.

screen is still black...I wait patiently for the some sign of life. I hear the hard-drive spinning, all the normal boot-up noises. after a couple minutes, i check controls. Caps Lock light comes on, sound works, number lock comes on. i do the next logical step, which is plug in my Samsung monitor. it remains black.

I restart my computer again thinking, perhaps, if something was up, i'd have to restart the computer for it to register the second screen. After the reboot, nothing...

well, i'm not a mac pro. If this was a PC desktop, i'd fix this in about how long it takes me to drive to Best Buy or wherever and buy a new video card. Yep, my "amazing skills" deduced video chip death.

On a macbook pro, that's a huge problem. Unlike PCs towers, the chip isn't separate. Oh no, it's apart of the logic board. and you can't actually replace the chip, you have to replace the board...

I was terrified...I had a feeling, $700, $800 maybe, down the tube. hell, maybe more, since that'd prolly cover the parts...maybe...

Thursday, 1:45pm- troubleshooting and panic session over, i toss my computer into my bad and run to the nearest apple store. i couldn't make an appointment, obviously, so i just drove there and hoped they could squeeze me in. Luckily, they had a spot at 3. I'm cutting it close to class at that point, but it's worth it. I go to starbucks, have some terrible coffee, and return at...

Thursday, 2:55- i check in and wait. The Genius approaches me, and, he runs it through the "proper diagnostics" even though after i told him how i troubleshot it, he knew. Turns out, nVidia shipped a bunch of chips with crappy pins. this was music to my ears. why?

because that means, there HAD to be a product recall/free replacement plan in place. Apple always does such things. it's one of their redeeming qualities --and trust me, i'm not an Appleophile, at all. the iPad is RETARDED-- sure enough, he checks out some stuff, and it's covered, 100% free repair. BOOYAH!

then the bad news. we're backed up in house. got about 25 towers back there, can't send them out. If we do it in house, it's 7-10 days. we can send it to a central repair facility nearby and have it done in 4-6 days. Well, 4-6 isn't terrible, so, sure, why not...

AH, this is a partial repair. to do it there, they HAVE to run a full diagnostic on site. and if there is ANYTHING wrong, they fix it.

a couple things run through my head: "Man, i need a new Hard-drive in there soon...shit, they might flip it!" "shit, i think i have a loose wire running from my video to my screen. SHIT they might do something scary like replace the screen!"

those things...would not be free. So, i was staring a "send it to central, have it back faster, but possibly cost me a LOT of money and lose ALL my data (since they don't do backup/recovery without paying for it UPFRONT)" or "wait 7-10 days and know they won't touch anything else without talking to me"

well, it was a simple choice...take the chance! lol. ok, not really. i hadn't decided at that point, but i knew i better go back-up a bunch of files anyway. ya never know what'll happen when someone opens up a laptop. i don't trust these things --but i LOVE you compy!!!-- and you sign a disclaimer saying "it's not apple's fault if your hard-drive is wiped." I take the case sheet, saying it'll be free, and run away to class

Thursday, 4pm. I wander in, just in time for class. As i look around, the head professor isn't there so, i ask "who wants to let me borrow their computer?!?" basically, i just needed to restart my computer in target disk mode while having it hooked up to another computer. Then, drag and drop the files i "need" from my computer to my external hard-drive. That's when i was reminded that there IS a computer over here, and over here, and in that room there, and you could use any of those...I then sat through class, somewhat distracted, thinking instead about what files i'm going to save, just in case, and wondering if i can do a disk image

Thursday, 7:15pm: class is over, and i've run home and come back with my external drive. sure enough, you have to be able to see your screen to do it. bugger...i transfered over files, sat and spoke with a new good friend who was printing out materials to send to competitions. for a random moment, my screen pops on! I freak out and ask my friend if he has his Mac OS 10.5 disk on him! and yes, he's a big enough geek, like me, where this might have happened. He didn't, sadly, so as i stare at a screen that i know will soon be dark, i feel sad...here was my chance for a disk image, and no one had an OS disk! lol

Thursday, 9:00pm: I return home, exhausted. screen went black again. I realized that i hadn't actually eaten since lunch at noon. I had a throbbing headache. I forced down a bean burrito, let out a big and crashed soon after. don't ask me the time, my brain was dead

Friday, 8:15am: I wake up, turn on my computer, hoping for a bit of a miracle. My friend was bringing his OS disk to class in the morning, and if my screen was good, Disk Image time! no such luck, so i shower, look at my supplies, feel nauseous, and head to class. as i walk, i call the apple store, hoping to get through and set-up an appointment to drop off my poor unhappy mac

Friday 10am: pass my buddy in the hall, tell him the sad news. go into class, a bit sullen, but, again, had my head EXPLODED UPON! if i wasn't such a lazy composer, i'd prolly be a decent theorist. but that seems like it takes work. i don't like work.

Friday 11am: I leave class, head to apple. was able to score a 11:15 appointment. go, check in, and the genius grabs a couple codes of compy, and we start talking. i tell her my worries about sending it in. She says "do you have Pro-Care?" and i reply "no, i'm out of warranty and never think to buy any of the add-ons" her reply "oh, well, Pro-Care gets first priority on repairs, so if you had it, it'd move into that pro-care line." We go through the motions, get the order laid out and then i ask "how much IS pro-care?"

"$99"

i sit and think for a moment...then "are you able to tell if there are any pro-care computers in, or how long, in general, would it take in house if i had pro-care?"

she clicks away for a couple minutes. stops...stares at the scream. she softly utters "wow..." She looks up at me and says "well, if you HAD pro-care...we 'd have it done today...by, 1 or 2. we'd call you at 1 and tell you if it was done or if it needed an hour."

I look at it, and say, quite quickly. "well, that's an easy choice. Best $100 i've spent this week!" i run over, cash out, while she writes up another work order form, i assume, pro-care style. I come back over with my pro-care card, and ship it off!

Friday 12pm: back at my apartment, i clean my trombone for a presentation and warm-up. an apple rep calls at 1pm and says "it'll be an hour or so. did you know you have a loose wire in your display?"

"yeah, it's in the loose joint, right?"

"uh, actually, no...i checked all those wires and everything looks good. i tightened the hinge too. actually, it appears to be in the display. we'd have to replace the whole thing, if you want it do. it's intermittent and you have to press in a one relative area"

i chuckle "ah, yeah, i know that spot...right about the hinge. why i figured it was the hinge. N'ah, it's ok. those screens are expensive. what, a grand or so? yeah, it's ok, i'll just be nice to compy."

Thursday, 2:15: compy is fixed and i pick him up. they cleaned him up nicely. i had actually just cleaned it thursday morning, but an extra round of polish is nice. the apple guy that grabbed my compy asked if i wanted the receipt. it actually shows how much it WOULD have cost. i said "yeah, sure, it'll be a good laugh and a nice reminder of how expensive fixing a mac is." so, he prints it out and hands it to me:

Logic Board: $1,155

Service, Hardware, Level: $199

HOLY SHIT! this repair would have cost me $1,354!!! HOLY SHIT! right there is enough of a reason to switch back to PC. lol. that's a whole new computer. its funny, when i showed guys (who use apple computers) the receipt they were like "damn, might as well buy a new computer. my answer "uh...mine cost $3500...it's kinda tricked out..." i can't remember the exact price. I added on a few programs when i bought it, and the total was around there. the computer was probably only $2800-$3000. still, yeah...

Two amazing pieces of luck. 1) it being a quality control issue so it was free. 2) they had the logic board IN STOCK so it could be done quickly.

it was...scary. here i am, i just bought Ableton Live so i can do this piece, all this tons of work that hadn't been backed up since i moved to KC...scary as hell. and a lot of luck. I shall be the nicest person alive for awhile, i think. Karma paid me back in spades, IMO.

life...is still good. and i am thankful

the college experience

Ok, so i'm not the "traditional" college student. never have been. Worked (on and off) through most of my college years, a little at DPU, a lot during BC, and, right now, i'm not working. it's a nice change, going back to just concentrating on school work, and, more importantly, composition. I'm really banging some stuff out.

But, in the normal college student way, i'm spending WAY too much money. lol. it's all thing i do actually kinda need, a nice microphone, a decent dual pre-amp, some monitors, headphones, and now, Ableton Live 8. i had planned on spending the money on buying Logic Studio 9, and possibly a new hard-drive, but after a lot of thinking, i realized i need a live sequencer...and Abelton has done a better job of making one than i will do making one in Pd. so, yeah...


Anyway, i'm going to talk about Monday. i know it was awhile ago, but i'm supposed to journal my teaching experiences, so i better journal them! lol.

My mentee came in with an assignment from composition class. A nice counterpoint exercise, taking a melody, set in a string quartet, and changing it little bit by little bit till all four lines are completely different, after, i believe 25 measures or so. As with many young composers, he jumped right in...

and after 2 measures, did his first change, adding harmony...

and 2 measures later he created a counterline. one that would fit quite well and had some good characteristics

2 measures late he harmonized that line

I looked at his work, and asked a simple question "where did you come up with that bass line?"

the answer, of course, "well, i'm not sure. I just really liked the sound and it harmonically works with the rest of the lines."

Ah, that wonderful thing. It's easy to say "well, it fits harmonically, therefore, it fits fine." however, this isn't always true as a rationale. being in the same tonal (or atonal) structure is certainly helpful for cohesion, but not necessary, and it doesn't always make for a nice fit.

In this instance, the line fit fine, would be quite interesting, actually. but it wasn't the point of the "assignment."

My mentee is a smart guy, a very quick study. He basically taught himself the basics of tonal harmony by reading the Kotska/Payne book. He's learning counterpoint by analyzing Bach. He is currently a Philosophy major. We are working to correct this. lol. But, he's still young. Development is the hardest thing for a young composer...ok, it's the hardest thing for ALL composers, me included. so, giving them this little technical exercise is probably a good thing.

The idea of slow evolution is always a good one. I'm using it a bit in what will be my latest piece. A movement from full stanzas, to words, to syllables, to letters...it'll be interesting.

Well, my head is pounding and i still have some work to perform before class, so, i shall go now. peace

g'ah!

Ok, i really need to update a bit more often. i think it's better to see multiple shorter posts than a bunch of longer ones.

yesterday, taught middle schoolers again with CITS. my main job was going over what students had and getting them to get to the next step, be it increasing one line's length, writing in the chord structure (director wants them to write in the chords after writing the melody, and not necessarily to follow a progression.), or adding in the second and third lines.

Ah, middle schoolers. there are those with about 20 measures of 3 lines done...meaning their project is basically finished. then there are those that "lose" what they've worked on every week. and others that it's just impossible to get them to do anything constructive. it's an interesting challenge going from "we've got it all done -- well, what about this and this? -- OH!" to "uh, i left it at home...err...i mean... -- so, you lost it or never started it? -- uh, well, i don't know what to write!" to "UGH! Just leave me alone. i'll do it if i want to. -- ok, it's your grade. i can't force you to take my help..."

ok, so that last bit i don't say. I think it, and say to them "I am here to help you. You know this is for a grade, and i can help you along. If you do have questions, let me know. i just want you to get something fun out of creating your own music." It's a bit nicer approach, I think.

For those students that say "I don't know what to write" i generally start with "what do you like to play?" or "what's on your iPod?". after that point, i get them talking about it. Is it fast or slow? does it have a lot of repeated notes, or repeated "licks" or does it have a lot of variation? loud/soft? all those "fundamentals of music." After getting them thinking about it (and, if possible, playing little chunks of it) they seem to start getting ideas. Then it's just the always difficult process of helping them take what they're playing/thinking about and translating it to paper.

Working with younger students, i find having them write for instruments they play, or they can hear played immediately really helps. Yes, it means that the young students pieces are "easy." but, ya know, the point of writing music isn't always to "outdo every who has written music, EVER!" or "to write something no one has ever written before." You can write music for enjoyment as well. And that's what i try and get these students to do. Write something you WANT to hear, write something you WANT to play. and once you spark that interest in writing music, then some come up and say "so, i was thinking about this, but i think i want it played by 37 french horns..." or something like that. heh.

sometimes it's baby steps. and pulling teeth. Like reminding them that, the "score" is a document so that OTHERS can play it. If i ask you to play it, and you play things not on the page, like phrasing, bowing, staccato, pizz, etc, then i will tell you "hey, you played X Y Z but it's not in the score. This is how i'd play it"

for those of you who have heard me play violin, you know just how painful that is...

also, random thing i knew and never thought about- wind players generally start with longer notes. quarter, half, and whole. string players seem to start with eighth notes and quarters. the reason why is simple- held notes mean vibrato, and vibrato is taught later. Still, it's an interesting dichotomy. it actually opens up some interesting ideas of how to write a piece for beginning full orchestra...the pedagogy is there to have some interesting ideas for a middle school piece- where string players are really just getting a handle on vibrato (if they do only public school orchestra, not lessons) and band students that are really just starting to get into more eighth notes. hm...anyway...

I also went to a great concert last night. UMKC Wind Ensemble presented what was really a timeline of music. The first piece was one that, well...It's Arvo Part.

I don't particularly like Part. His vocal pieces are nice, and he does some great timbral things, but, yeah, not my cup o' tea. The piece they played was Fratres for double woodwind quintet and 2 percussionists. The arranger needs to be fired. permanently. This piece has been arranged millions of times. originally it was string quintet and woodwind quintet, and it was a much better piece. almost like it. the string quartet version (famously recorded by Kronos Quartet) is quite nice as well. double woodwind quintet just doesn't do it for me. at all...not at all...It was performed quite admirably, especially considering some of those notes were held for incredibly lengths of time. note to composers- bassoons sustaining a note for 45 seconds is a bit mean. seriously.

the next piece was "Selections from 'The Danserye'" originally written as dance movements by Tielman Susato and arranged by Patrick Dunnigan as a quasi-dance suite. It was, again, marvelously performed - though, honestly, i felt the trombones were a bit sloppy and the percussionist in the back never quite got the feel of playing slightly ahead of the beat to match the time of the flutes and oboes up front. The piece itself was a nice illustration of Renaissance dances done as a suite for Wind Ensemble. there were some great moments in the percussion, like the use of the Lion Roar, and some nice mallet writing. Still, it's not as good as Gordon Jacobs "William Byrd Suite." First, William Byrd is AWESOME. Second Gordon Jacobs is AWESOME. lol. Sorry Susato and Dunnigan, you've got some tough competition throwing yourselves against those two. lol.

After intermission, the piece i really came to hear was presented. Lee Hartman, a recent DMA Graduate from UMKC was having his Doctoral Thesis, Concerto for Vibraphone, premiered. Honestly, it was fantastic. how the hell did i get into this program? lol. The Vibe part really did a great job showing all the different styles/effects/virtuosity of the instrument. Some of the most poignant moments for me was when the soloist, James Clanton - a BEAST of a vibraphone player!- performed with two mallets in one hand and a bow in the other. He used the two mallets to execute single note rolls and dampening while bowing other notes. It was impressive technical skill by Clanton and an amazing effect. Also, using a hard yarn mallet to strike the note and then slowly placing a brass mallet on the struck key to produce a bouncing sound and slight bending of the pitch was an amazingly effective technique. Lee really nailed it in the last movement. The ensemble and vibraphone would strike fortissimo chords in unison. However, the ensemble played a marcato eighth note while the vibe player held the pedal down. The effect you go, seeing the Clanton strike the keyboard, but only hearing the ensemble, then hearing the sustained chord appear out of the texture was quite amazing. I learned a trick or two about writing for vibraphone and for band from this piece. fantastic!

the final piece was Symphony No. 6, for Band by Vincent Persichetti. Wonderfully performed. Love the piece. Nothing i can say more than if you like band literature at all and haven't heard this, grab a recording and listen to it. Seriously. Good stuff, and the wind ensemble continued to perform at a high level, even after playing almost an hours worth of music before that moment.

The above was somewhat of an exercise in article style writing. i've been thinking about sending some samples out to do reviews and such for the local "classical" music scene and avant-garde art scene. I'm alright at it, and i plan on going to as many as possible. might as well get paid to blog about them, since i more than likely will anyway...

well, that's it for now. I may post again later tonight. Other great experiences in music worth recounting, such as todays 20th century analysis class - my academic version of crack. lol- and work on my new, yet to be titled work for voice and electronics. Also, don't think i blogged about working with my college "mentee" on monday. those are always good experiences, i think.

and then it turned into the Shroud of Turin

Ok, so before Advanced Analysis today, i was talking to a compatriot about the analysis homework. We are analyzing a Schoenberg String Quartet, going through, finding the different row forms and their meanings. Our professor had asked the class to look at a few measures, identify what forms of the row were used and why Schoenberg chose them. we were told it was "something really really cool...at least to Schoenberg at the time."

So, i compared them, found some dyad pairs that were in two measures, but the third measure was completely different, so it threw me off...then the next couple seemed to have a couple dyads in common with the first two, and some flipping in order of specific pitches, but, i just wasn't seeing much.

My friend and i were discussing this as we were walking over (after drinking coffee) and we figured the professor would lay some crazy stuff down. Our professor, honestly, is quite amazing. he really tries to find out the why's of music, not just "Oh, and here are the row forms used and when." That's what theory is all about, yes, but so often, i've never gotten to that point in the class. it's about learning the pedantic issues; identifying the row, filling out a matrix, in set theory-getting everything in prime form, identifying trichords and such...My current theory professor says "well, yeah, you need to know how to do that, but, what's the point if you can't see the relationships the composer is creating? It's not about what form of the row, but WHY is that form of the row necessary at that specific moment."

So, my friend and i were walking and basically decided that, somehow, our professor would take the row, transpose it (probably a tritone), then take the retrograde, tear it into little bits, pee on it, put it in a magic hat, say three words, and "POOF" its the Shroud of Turin.

and, ya know, we were far off...

Our Professor took the forms. we pointed out a couple pairs of matching dyads, then he pointed out "they are ALL matching pairs." Shows how much space really messes with your thinking...we noticed the pairs close together, and the pairs that started and ended, but not the ones in the middle. boo to me for not being observant. shoulda started the analysis before 11pm last night. n'ah, i still wouldn't have seen it...

Then Professor posits a rule of transposition for the row- that if you transpose it 6 away, you'll get the dyads, and if you invert it and move it + or - 3 away, you get the dyads, thereby creating 4 form clusters.

THEN he goes on to show us how the measure with the form that didn't fit (which i knew didn't fit but didn't know why) fits in with these measures over here, but instead of doing dyads in order (1-2, 3-4, 5-6) he was stacking dyads vertically between the two forms...

thus, our professor more or less did take the form, transpose it, invert it, tear it into little bits...and made the Shroud of Turin...or at least a pretty damn clear picture of how Schoenberg put together this String Quartet and many other pieces...and eluded to the fact that later composers use this quite often...

He also said that doing a 12 tone matrix can confuse us from seeing this relationships. You do the matrix, the distance starts messing with what you see. Put everything close together, right on top of each other. Dissect measure by measure, form by form, and something big will pop out. Schoenberg lays down a classic musical form: Intro-AABAAB AND the intro, which is P0, of course, acts as a "tonic" if you will, and that the A section functions like a Dominant, and B as a secondary Dominant...thus, taking atonal harmonic and melodic ideas but classic tonal structural ideas all at once...

Schoenberg is awesome. and my professor is a much more gifted theorist than i probably ever will be.

and, everyday, as i walk to class, i pass KinderMusik posters, drawings of "what is music" with bright crayons, swirls, and all different shapes...and somehow, that means a lot more to me, and i get it...completely. my professor is bridging that gap, for me, of what i hear and what is on the page. it's not just random rows without meaning, it's a lot more...but it's still not bright crayons drawing self-meaningful shapes yet...that's the theory i'm looking for...and it may be just drawing brightly coloured shapes in crayon...

whoa

ok, i'll post more tomorrow or something

i did a marathon on the last movement of Six Pieces After Basho...12 hours of work today...and i'm still going. i took a break to e-mail the director the final movement and all the audio while i finish cleaning the score...and parts. God, parts...

and, honestly...i got chills at the end. i think i wrote a real piece. who knew? i didn't...

ok, the screen is moving a lot, and i don't think it's the screen. lol...to sleep

I plan on doing a retrospective analysis of the piece, 1 movement at a time...really breaking down what i find in my own writing. it may prove interesting. and i may do some graphics or something to help out. i dunno bout that yet...i'm tired...g'night

intervention

Ok, seriously, i need one. I think i'm done, for now anyway.

here's the gear list i've purchased

Soundcraft Spirit Folio 16 (16 mic channels, 4 stereo channels, sharing 2 faders, 4 bus, 3 aux, Direct Out on the first 8 channels, one bad insert) $125

Oktava MK219 large diaphragm studio condenser $65

Presonus Blue Tube microphone pre-amp $105.75

Sennheiser MD280s- $108 (after tax)

Sony MDR-EX56LP ear plug style headphones (general listening/basic monitoring- $37

Event TR5s-$150.50

AND there is a possibility of landing a pair of Yamaha HS50s for $90 a pop. and they are in perfect working condition (i trust the guy selling me these WAY more than just about everyone else i bought from. heh)

and i still have some needs. I wasn't looking to turn this into a real project studio, but, it's turning into that. here's what i still want/need

Quad Core XLR cables (25' lengths is fine, say, about 6 of them.)

4 Gold Plated 1/4 patch cables (for the monitors...though i'd prefer only gold plating on ONE side, but that's beyond the point...fusing issues, basically)

mic stands (all preferably boom style)

Pop Filter (preferably metal, though i'll prolly end up with a mesh one)

1 vocal tube microphone (haven't decided on any brand yet. keeping my options open)

a matched pair of pencil condensers (Oktava 012s with all capsules is my preference here)

1 stereo ribbon mic (ok, this is just insane. lol. i'd love Royer SF-24, but i'd take a Cascade X-15, if it sounds good.)

1 cardioid ribbon mic (Beyer Dynamic M500. period. i will get one, someday)

1 vintage microphone (a Shure 55 would be cool, or an RCA ribbon style mic- which would be insanely expensive)

anyway, as you can see, i've spent about $550 already. WTH?!?!? this is really bad...seriously...AND the cables and a mic stand or 2 i HAVE to have. i can do without the other mics, and the pop filter. at least for now, on the pop filter. Once i start the trip-hop album i'll need it to record the vocals.

Still, this is all quite insane. i'm NOT a real recording engineer. this money is definitely NOT a waste, that's for sure, but, yeah...it's just expedites the whole "get a job" thing. as in, as soon as i get back from NYC in april, i will HAVE to get one, i think...if not find a way to make some money before that.

anyway, as for MUSIC! oh yeah, i'm a composer. sometimes, i forget these things.

6 Pieces After Basho is almost finished. I took the afternoon off to, um...spend a lot of money...but i hope to finish tonight. hopefully i can get to Nevada for the performance, or maybe convince the Wind Ensemble director here to give them a reading. that'd be pretty cool.

movement 5 is incredibly simple and probably the hardest piece to perform in the lot. in fact, it IS the hardest to perform. it basically comprises of 3 notes, F, Eb, and E. these notes are passed around the woodwinds until the brass enter...HUMMING. yep, humming. Dissonance. there are some other notes, in the high Vibraphone and the orchestra bells, but they are cursory. really, i just put them there so that there'd be a bit more going on. I REALLY can't wait to hear this movement performed. I think, if done well, it'll send chills down everyone's spine. what i hear in my head does it to me.

as for the last movement, it's a lot more traditional. very traditional. lots of doublings. only a few different lines going on. might use the timpani even. lol. The end will be fun, as i've decided to do some canonic writing. it may end up just being imitative counterpoint, but i might turn it into a real canon. I'm going to avoid going full blown fugue because 1) i don't think there's time for it to develop and 2) that'd be a bit too hard to follow really. it's not an easy form to play, at all.

anyway, this is a long post. I haven't posted in quite some time. Sorry about that. life got in the way a bit. I'll try to post regularly again, but there's a good chance this slows down to once every few days. heh. i knew i couldn't keep up everyday. however, the eating meals at home part is still going quite well!

summer

Ok, i don't know specifically what i'm doing this summer, but there's one thing i want to do...

put out a trip-hop/hardcore album.

i need a break from "contemporary classical" or whatever you want to call it. i need to rock out.

record vocals with a vintage shure 55

spend time creating sonic textures from recorded sounds

and put out an "pop" album and see if anyone likes it.

there all things we need to do. mine is change it up...it's hard writing "contemporary classical" when it's all i see and hear. I'm used to doing concerts. it's weird not having that.

and when i hear Portishead followed by Rise Against! followed by Bjork followed by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, i end up wanting to do an album like them. there's so much energy there, so my feeling

my music still lacks that in the "CC" form...it's not expressing me yet. and sometimes i wonder if i even can...